Michael Bay diarrhea
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
