I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
