i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
