You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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