I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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