I wish my penis had an off switch
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
