Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
