I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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