Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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