My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
