Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
