I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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