The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
