Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize