Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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