Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
