He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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