So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
