I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
