this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
