maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
