my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
