Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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