We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize