You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
