oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize