Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize