Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
