btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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