Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
