You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
