So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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