dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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