Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
