We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
