Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
