a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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