i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
