i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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