weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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