I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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