I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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