a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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