remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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