just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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