The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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