3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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