I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
