the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
