Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
