Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
