Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
