she was so not down for the gang bang
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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