Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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