Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Houston, we have a blender
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
