My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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