The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We are two peas in an std pod
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
