How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Someone signed my nipple.
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