its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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