oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
