glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
