I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
and i looked up. we had an audience...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize