how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
