Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Oh god it's open bar.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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