Whod you bang
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
