but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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