I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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