I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
