Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I intend to get homeless drunk
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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