do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
