guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
