I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize