Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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