I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
