just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
